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| Foebyas |
| Saturday, May 19, 2007 |
There seems to be a trend in the dizzying spiral that is my social universe for people to be making lists of stuff. Lou has just completed her list of "101 things to do in 1000 days" (highlights: jam-making, getting her opus magnus published, and finding out where her grandparents are buried in case her unborn children, Raif and Alexandre express a desire to visit them), my friends who are turning 30 (the 8th of August should be marked in your diaries in huge red letters underlined in permanent marker several times: wishlist to follow) hurriedly compiling "I will do these things before I turn 30 or die a horrible and shamefaced death" lists (why is growing your own vegetables such a popular feature? Is that not what Felicity Kendal is for?), and all those fools on 43 things dot com.
I am so easily influenced by things (I am wearing 3D glasses while writing this because I just played Wishbringer and had points deducted for killing the cat in the torture machine) that I have jumped on the bandwagon and am going through my list of phobias to conquer before I escape Okinawa. Fire, needles, knives, heights, and public speaking have been crushed underfoot, and diving is next on the list (the last time I tried it I was surrounded by people bleeding, vomitting, and unconscious). No wait. Spiders is next on the list.
I didn't realise I had a spider phobia but I can see one now and I am very scared. It has just scuttled into the room and it's stopped and is looking at me.
It's huge. And green.
Okay, I got a glass and I ninja stealthed up to it and the glass is too small to contain the spider. God, it's really hairy. Green hair that's all spiky.
I am thinking of the time Daniel-san tried to catch a redback in a glass in Australia only it attacked him and made him 3 seconds away from death and in thingy shock. It is definitely looking at me.
Got a bigger glass. It ran with its giant legs up the paper doors and I got the spider in the glass and some card under it and now the thing is on the table in the glass looking at me while I type this. I am wondering what on earth to do with it now. Can it push the card off the glass and catapault itself into my jugular?
Ohgodohgodohgod. The glass is actually steaming up. Do spiders have lungs? How big can its lungs be? Are they green and hairy too?
Okay, this is what is going to happen. I am going to find courage and pick up the glass and take it outside and turn it upside down and the spider is going to fall out of the glass over the balcony and I will be rid of it forever. Or it is going to run out of the glass up the side of it over my paralysed arm and jump into my jugular.
YES! I WIN! SPIDER IS GONE! I AM VANQUISHER OF SPIDERS!
Except now scary words like "nest", "swarm", "crawly", and "thingy shock death" are stalking through my mind on big hairy green legs.
Also: Where is the gecko that lives in my apartment who I rely on to protect me from these kind of encounters? MAYBE THAT IS WHY THE SPIDER WAS GREEN. God rest your soul. |
posted by Alice @ 10:59 pm  |
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| 2 Comments: |
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A follow-up would be appreciated.
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Having trouble catching a spider under a glass? Blow gently on the fellow - this tends to make them retract their legs and remain still in an attempt not to be blown clean away, thus making capture easier.
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A follow-up would be appreciated.